1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
