Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
