You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
