Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
