you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
