I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
