so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
