What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The air was thick with penises
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
