Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
