i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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