the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
