Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
