it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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