Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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