I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
