He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
