Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ruined the universe
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
