i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Life is so much better after having sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
