moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize