I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
