I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
