i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
