Don't EVER smell your tampon
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
