Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
