U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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