I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
