She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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