Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
