I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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