I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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