his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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