I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
