I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
