I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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