He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
