Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
