I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
