In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
