im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
