frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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