remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
