I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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