Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
COCAINE IS GR8
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
