No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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