is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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