I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
