Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize