You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
