My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
