pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
