I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
