I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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