Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
