Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
