He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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