hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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