Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize