On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
