I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
