I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
