wanna go halves on a baby?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize