you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
