I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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