I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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