Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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