No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
