Buhtt sex?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
