she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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