You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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