i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
not ubering you a puppy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize