just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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