The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize