We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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