This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize