I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
