its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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