im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
