I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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