omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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