eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
