i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
