my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize