she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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