do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
