im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
