no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
