whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
