I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
