Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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