Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
