just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
