please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
