Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
