I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize