I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
