Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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