I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize