Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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