you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize