you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
