Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
