I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
